Warning: Confessional content inside

This semester has been a whirlwind of busy.  My days don't stop and it is driving me up the wall, but as JD always asks us, my peace number is always higher than my chaos as the week goes on.

I have had a bit of an identity crisis this last year.  Like many who come to seminary, I started enjoying the academic life and had delusions of grandeur of me staying in school longer and getting a degree that would allow me to have extra letters in front of my name and teach at schools that grant said extra letters.

Two problems
1.  I love people to much.
2.  I have the attention span of a kid who finally understands Christmas means that you get a bunch of loot that could include any combination of things that have bright lights, things that make alot of noise and an undetermined amount of chocolate. 
This means I can't study for long periods of time.

This doesn't mean the last year of intensive study on the history and theology of Christian worship has been wasted, but instead it led to my realization that God gave me musical gifts and a passion for his people for a reason.  This is why I have gradually been leading worship again.

Putting all these factors together means that I have been thinking about the local church more and more these last few months.  Meredith and I had the conversation about dream churches a few nights ago at dinner, and I tried to sit back and let her talk.  I realized that many of her thoughts were the thoughts of a frustrated generation that is tired of many things that try to be the churchm but don't ever pull it off. 

It is possible for us to do good things under the guise of Christianity without ever hitting a kingdom ethic.  Jeremiah and I talked about this today over a great lunch (thanks for hooking me up).  Many folks issue with the church can be summed up by recognizing an un-orthodox attempt at Christian worship.  This is why I try to deal with some of the tough questions from time to time.

To realize that radical nature of the kingdom of God, which was explained really well by Steve DeNeff at Asbury a few weeks ago (talk 2 is here listen to both...I dare you) is a hard stretch for those that are satisfied with the average, corporate American Church.  By placing worship outside of the realm of self-actualization and back inside the church rehearsing it's story we start to learn that it isn't about us at all.

So all this is to say that I am excited with where I am at.  I feel for the first time in years that I am able to take each step and say "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner" and not focus on my past, but instead focus on a life that is built inside of a reconfiguration that places me within the redeemed company of the ages. 

The task I have now in my head is trying to work this out in the context of worship.  I have had some great conversations regarding writing worship music with people in the last few weeks and I am really excited about the little project I have in my head right now (Chris, if you read this our conversation today meant ALOT).

I know this is rambling, but I really wanted to put it all out in the open.  May the peace of Christ be with you.

Comments

[Anna]

hey!!! great blog :). looks like you've got a lot of good things going on :).

[Jeff]

Chad, a cool cup of water. Thanks for sharing. May your peace # be in double digits, doing battle with a tiny chaos # (that isn't to say it shall be easy).